how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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