I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just cropdusted the office
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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