Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
