God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
