so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
