ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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