I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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