sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
