i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
