They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
