Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
