im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
