Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
