Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
