Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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