i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Randomize
