i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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