if i can run in heels then i can drive
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
