you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
