:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
