halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
