if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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