New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
