Your face is a jimmy john
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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