Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
