I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
