In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
