1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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