I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
