yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
