Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
