Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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