I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
