It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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