I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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