I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
two words...techno handjob
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
