Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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