The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
