You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
