I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
so much tequila, so little girl.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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