The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize