I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
