I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
