So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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