he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
