Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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