She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
