Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
