pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
