we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
