I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
