dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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