she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I'm really busy with my period
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