ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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