did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
