i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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