My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
