U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
