Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize