remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
