Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
