great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I forget how to act sober
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize