So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
