im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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