Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
