she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
