I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
