Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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