Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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