So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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