the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So vagazzling was a success
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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